Here is a little back story for anyone who hasn’t been following my previous posts:
When I woke up one year ago today, I had no intentions of quitting smoking. I was going through my day, just like any other. Spending time with my husband and my four year old. We were relaxing at home, watching movies because it was it was cold outside and my husband was supposed to be working an overnight shift. I wasn’t feeling very well, was having some minor contractions, I didn’t think that much into it though as I had been having them on and off for a while. My husband had decided to take me in to get checked at the hospital because I started feeling some pressure. When we got there, they did some tests, checked and I was only 5cms dilated. I was not in active labour yet though, my water had not broken. We decided that I would go home and come back to the hospital for 6:30pm unless things changed before then. When I got home, I made sure that everything was ready for me to go, got my mom lined up to watch my daughter, and my husband went off to work because I wasn’t feeling any different. The time rolled around for me to go to the hospital to get checked again. Off I went, in my car alone (bad idea for the record, someone should have driven me). I lit a cigarette, which I often did as long as my daughter was not in the car of course. For what ever reason, when I flicked that cigarette butt out the window (shame on me for littering… I know) I just said to myself, that was it. I would not smoke anymore. And, I didn’t. That was it, I was ready.
Today is Friday February 27th, 2015 and it is ONE YEAR since I quit smoking.
I think back now, and only wish I had quit sooner. I am not going to lie and say it was an easy task, but I managed and could not be more proud of myself. My lungs, feel so much better! My asthma attacks have have gone from five to seven a month, down to one, maybe two a month. I don’t smell cigarettes on all of my clothes, or in my vehicle. I don’t feel the disappointment in my grandparent’s eyes when I go to visit, because I can stay and visit as long as I would like, without feeling the need to interrupt and go for a smoke. I feel proud of myself for fighting through even though my husband, parents and close friends all still smoke. This past year has been one of the most challenging ones I have lived through so far, but I have accomplished so much. Every day I live smoke free, I continue to accomplish even more. There have been many times I have struggled through, heck there have been times that I have had a cigarette and lighter in my hand, but I had to choose to overcome it. I am now able to go to the store, and buy cigarettes for my husband when he is out of them, and I don’t think twice about it. Mind you, just because I have the strength to go to the store and purchase them, does not mean my struggle is over. I don’t think I could ever smoke again, but will there be triggers? OF COURSE. I just have to push through. I have learned to stop pushing people to quit. If they are not ready, it will never work. I am just causing problems between myself and the person if I continue to push, and bug. I have tried my best to stop telling my husband that he smells after every cigarette, or anyone else for that matter. I have heard so many times that an ex smoker, is the worst type of smoker. I am living proof that it happens, no matter how hard you try to fight it, or think that you don’t do it, you will hurt someone along the way. I never thought I would do that, BUT I also thought I would never quit. Life doesn’t always go the way you plan it.
While I go out tonight to celebrate my one year smoke free with my husband, he will still go for a smoke before we go into the restaurant for dinner. Just like after dinner he will still want to go for one, and also once we get out of our vehicle at home before he comes inside for the night. My goal, is to just let him be, and hope that one day he will also be ready to quit smoking, so that we can enjoy a smoke free life together.