Top 10 Fails and Top 10 Wins in My Battle to Stay Quit

Ten ways in which I feel I am failing my quitting smoking battle:

  1. I feel like I am running out of time to do the work of convincing myself to stay quit after the baby comes.
  2. I have been putting off setting up supports and a plan for dealing with triggers post birth (not so much on purpose but there are just so many other things to prepare and complete before the big day that I haven’t given much time to this one).
  3. I still see myself as a smoker in many ways.
  4. I fear that once I am not sharing my body with my baby all of my reasons and reasoning will go out the window.
  5. I attribute all my will power to being pregnant and don’t allow myself to own/be proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish so far because I am filled with self-doubt about my ability to stay quit.
  6. I don’t know how or what I should be doing to prepare myself for staying quit on my own after the baby comes, i.e. I feel lost still.
  7. People keep warning me about the sleep deprivation to come and that terrifies me because I crave cigarettes the most when I am tired and my resilience is low.
  8. I still want to smoke and feel like if I knew when that would just go away forever that I could at least count that down but the fact that it feels like I will struggle with it forever is debilitating and frustrating to say the least.
  9. I’m still dreaming about smoking.
  10. I’m still thinking about smoking in my waking hours as well.

10 ways I am succeeding in my quitting smoking battle:

  1. I have quit smoking and remained smoke free throughout this pregnancy.
  2. I have gotten over many of the physical humps in terms of cravings (though I still crave cigarettes from time to time).
  3. I have been blogging about my journey for pregnets which is more processing than I would have been doing on my own.
  4. My house is now smoke-free and at the very least I know that is here to stay.
  5. I have some practice in dealing with cravings and therefore have learned I can do it, it’s not impossible and that it does pass, something I did not know before as I had never even tried to quit.
  6. I am doing the best that I can
  7. I have found 1 resource for free exercise and education courses offered by the city that I plan to use as a support afterwards (I saw it on a poster at my midwife’s clinic).
  8. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who are not smoking anymore or not smoking socially because I was their smoking buddy and I’m not smoking.
  9. I’m not smoking.
  10. I’m still not smoking. (It merits being said again. Until I can hear it and really wrap my head around the fact that I did that)