Smoking has been a part of my life for many years. I cannot remember a time in my life when I was not smoking. I can’t even remember a time in my life when I was not exposed to 2nd hand smoke. Therefore, I can truly say that whether I was smoking or not smoking, smoking was and is part of my life.
I have noticed that I was a different person when I was not smoking during my pregnancy. I did not like the smell of cigarettes. I would get sensitive when my husband would go out for a smoke, and became angry more easily.
One road block in my pathway of staying smoke free after the birth of my son, is that I feel I am a more enjoyable person to be around when I am smoking rather than when I am not smoking. I feel I have a different personality when I am smoking and a different personality when I am not smoking. I have different concerns and reactions when I am smoking and not smoking. Therefore, I can be a “Smoking Ruma” or a “Non-Smoking Ruma”.
How do these different personalities affect my relationships? I asked my family and friends what they thought about Smoking Ruma and non-Smoking Ruma.
My friends responded “Smoking Ruma is fun and easy going”
My brother responded “Non-smoking Ruma is irritable and can get agitated…especially in pregnancy”
My husband responded “Smoking Ruma is secretive and can say white lies to have a cigarette, but non-smoking Ruma is someone I admire and inspire to be like”
Wow…the responses were surprising to me. Smoking has an effect on all my relationships.
Trust me…I know I am the same person. Smoking is an addiction to Nicotine that is causing different effects in my body, and it is affecting my relationship. This is just one reason it is so hard to QUIT smoking. I think I must recognize the effects of Nicotine that are affecting my personality, and try to work through these different emotions to be more successful in staying smoke free.