A letter to my first cigarette

Dear my first cigarette,

Although it has been many years now since I had you, you have been on my mind a lot lately.  I am coming up to a year smoke free, And I think about you almost every day. I think about hiding behind some trees at a nearby park and lighting you with a Bic lighter that I had stolen from my mom, along with you. Had I only had the courage to tell my ‘friends’ that it probably was not a good idea if I did it. If only I knew what lighting you would do to me for over a decade. I wish I would have dropped you on the ground, and shredded you to pieces. Better yet, I almost wish I had smoked you, or tried to anyway but I wish that instead of laughing when I coughed (choking), that I would have been honest, and admitted how disgusting you were. How horrible you tasted, how the taste dried out my mouth, and made me feel like puking. That the scent you left on my fingers, was terrible. I wish I would have used that as a lesson learned, and never to smoke again. But, that is not how our story panned out, now it is? Continue reading

How I will speak to my children about smoking.

When I was younger, most people around me smoked. My parents smoked, in the car, in the house as well. Neither of them spoke to me about smoking, about it being bad, or the affects it could have on me, or the people around me. My mom smoked while she was pregnant with me, smoking just seemed… normal. My mother started buying me cigarettes when I was under age, she figured it would be easier for her to buy them, than for me to keep stealing the, or finding other ways to purchase them. When my husband was a child, his father did not smoke but his mother did. He was even younger than I was when he started smoking. It was also influenced by friends he had that were older than him. He used to steal cigarettes from his moms packs, but when he got caught, instead of explaining to him that he shouldn’t smoke, she was just concerned about him stealing. I do believe that part of the way our parents handled things was partially due to the fact that there wasn’t quite as much information available to them as there is to us now. It also was not expressed how severe the affects could be. Continue reading

Health Care Providers & Me (While I was pregnant and smoking)

I touched on this subject briefly in a previous post regarding my first pregnancy, but felt that it was something I wanted to elaborate on.

When I was pregnant last, with my youngest, I found that it was the most irritating speaking to health care providers about my smoking. More so than my two previous pregnancies.

When I first discovered I was pregnant with my last son, of course I went to see my nurse practitioner to confirm, and get a referral for an obstetrician. Once it was confirmed, she did the usual history ‘interview’ with me, one of the questions being if I was still smoking . I was honest with her, and told her that I was still smoking, and how much a day. She did NOT criticize, she did NOT give me a look of disgust, nor did she look at me like I was a bad person. Continue reading

Interviewing my family!

In my last post I mentioned that I would be interviewing my husband and our daughter about their feelings towards my quitting smoking. Below are the questions I asked them along with their responses.

My interview with Our daughter:

Do you remember when mommy used to smoke?
“Yes, before Carter was out of your tummy.” Continue reading

My Top Five Reasons That Make It Hard to Quit – Part 2 The Things I do to Make It Easier

In my last post, I talked about the top reasons why it’s hard for me to quit smoking. This week, I’m revisiting these reasons and discussing strategies that help me overcome my urge.

1. Routine – The routine or habit of smoking when I wake up, after a meal, at the bus stop, at the next bus stop, with a coffee, with a coffee at the bus stop, the list goes on.

  • I change the routine by one small thing at a time. I do something else, something positive and fun to distract myself from the old habit.
  • To distract myself at the bus stop I read a book that grabs and keeps my attention, or surf Facebook or the internet on my phone;

Continue reading

What is Tobacco?

I have been trying to understand my addiction to Tobacco, therefore I decided to research “what is Tobacco?” Is the power of this addiction soley on me, or do I experience similar difficulties as everyone else that has tried to quit? Are my dream episodes about smoking a personal experience or does everyone else who tries to quit smoking….dream of having a smoke?

The relationship between human beings and the Tobacco plant have a long history. The book ‘Pharmako/Poeia – Plant, Powers and Herbcraft, by Dale Pendell” has been an interesting companion in my personal journey in trying to understand this Poison- Tobacco.  Continue reading