A letter to my first cigarette

Dear my first cigarette,

Although it has been many years now since I had you, you have been on my mind a lot lately.  I am coming up to a year smoke free, And I think about you almost every day. I think about hiding behind some trees at a nearby park and lighting you with a Bic lighter that I had stolen from my mom, along with you. Had I only had the courage to tell my ‘friends’ that it probably was not a good idea if I did it. If only I knew what lighting you would do to me for over a decade. I wish I would have dropped you on the ground, and shredded you to pieces. Better yet, I almost wish I had smoked you, or tried to anyway but I wish that instead of laughing when I coughed (choking), that I would have been honest, and admitted how disgusting you were. How horrible you tasted, how the taste dried out my mouth, and made me feel like puking. That the scent you left on my fingers, was terrible. I wish I would have used that as a lesson learned, and never to smoke again. But, that is not how our story panned out, now it is? Continue reading

Walking without a crutch

I was doing so well with my tobacco intake. Even though I had not completely quit I had myself down to less than half a pack of cigarettes a day, which is personally very good for me. Now, here come my excuses: currently I have been going through a lot. I have recently had to file for custody of my daughter, which means past memories of an abusive relationship have been replayed over and over again in my mind. I have also had some health issues arise, which on its own seems like enough to give somebody that extra push to quit, but unfortunately for me it has added stress and increased my tobacco intake. I feel that smoking gives me a slight relief from the stress but many people would say that it is all in my head. Instead of focusing on the slight relief I feel after having a cigarette, I need to remember the harm that it is doing to my body. Continue reading