A letter to my first cigarette

Dear my first cigarette,

Although it has been many years now since I had you, you have been on my mind a lot lately.  I am coming up to a year smoke free, And I think about you almost every day. I think about hiding behind some trees at a nearby park and lighting you with a Bic lighter that I had stolen from my mom, along with you. Had I only had the courage to tell my ‘friends’ that it probably was not a good idea if I did it. If only I knew what lighting you would do to me for over a decade. I wish I would have dropped you on the ground, and shredded you to pieces. Better yet, I almost wish I had smoked you, or tried to anyway but I wish that instead of laughing when I coughed (choking), that I would have been honest, and admitted how disgusting you were. How horrible you tasted, how the taste dried out my mouth, and made me feel like puking. That the scent you left on my fingers, was terrible. I wish I would have used that as a lesson learned, and never to smoke again. But, that is not how our story panned out, now it is? Continue reading

Is Part of Addiction Mind over Matter?

Hello again, Deborah here.

Most of us know that addiction to nicotine can be a mental habit, as much as it is physical.

During the trials of quitting (approximately 5-6 attempts over several years) I have learned many things about the way my mind works around emotions and thought processes in general, particularly around my addiction to this controlling drug.

On my way through a seemingly unrelated journey – my battle with an emotional disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – I took a clinical program called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). Some of the skills taught in DBT are so helpful that people outside the DBT programs seem to be learning about, accessing and now applying them to their daily life via self-help outlets. Continue reading