A letter to my first cigarette

Dear my first cigarette,

Although it has been many years now since I had you, you have been on my mind a lot lately.  I am coming up to a year smoke free, And I think about you almost every day. I think about hiding behind some trees at a nearby park and lighting you with a Bic lighter that I had stolen from my mom, along with you. Had I only had the courage to tell my ‘friends’ that it probably was not a good idea if I did it. If only I knew what lighting you would do to me for over a decade. I wish I would have dropped you on the ground, and shredded you to pieces. Better yet, I almost wish I had smoked you, or tried to anyway but I wish that instead of laughing when I coughed (choking), that I would have been honest, and admitted how disgusting you were. How horrible you tasted, how the taste dried out my mouth, and made me feel like puking. That the scent you left on my fingers, was terrible. I wish I would have used that as a lesson learned, and never to smoke again. But, that is not how our story panned out, now it is? Continue reading

Did I stay smoke free after the birth of my baby?

I started blogging in September 2014, when I was 6 months pregnant. At first I was very hesitant to blog, because I am very private about my smoking habit.  I do not disclose my smoking to anyone, including friends, family and co-workers. There are only a couple of individuals that know I smoke and are also my smoking buddy’s. Continue reading

How Will I Stay Smoke-Free After My Pregnancy?

I am eight months pregnant….and I am due to have my baby in a month. I am so excited to be a mother and start this new stage in my life. As a mother, I do not want to smoke in front of my children. I do believe in the common saying “Monkey See and Monkey do”. I am my child’s role model and my child will look up to me. Unfortunately, even though I know I don’t want to smoke, I have been investigating ways of smoking after the baby is born. Continue reading