My next steps…

Wow…time has gone by so fast. I still remember writing my first blog on Pregnets. Over the year, my life has changed drastically. I have given birth to a wonderful baby boy. Throughout my blogs my smoking challenges have been illustrated. When I was pregnant, cigarette smoke made me sick and was not easy to remove totally from my life, however after giving birth smoking is something I crave and I am struggling with limiting smoking on a daily basis. My priorities changed from the moment I got pregnant, because I want to protect my son but it was and is still hard. Continue reading

I CAN Do Anything

My little sweetheart joined me almost 2 weeks ago, on her due date of all days. My contractions started on the Friday evening and she wasn’t born until Sunday late morning, a 40 something hour marathon and the toughest work I’ve ever done. They say the tough stuff comes with the best rewards and looking at my daughter’s face I can see how for once “they” are right. The labour luckily went just as I had hoped and planned and was all natural (that is to say without an epidural). Proving to myself and those around me just how strong I am and what I am capable of.  Continue reading

Expanding Sacred Space

This week I decided to make a vision collage of my journey to stay quit.

Pregnets_collage2_blog#5

The egg represents my womb, which I have managed to create as a smoke free environment in the best interest of my baby and which I hope to expand to include the rest of my family and myself. Along the outside bordering the smoke filled space and the egg, reads:

sacred space no smoking beyond this point sacred space… Continue reading

A letter to my first cigarette

Dear my first cigarette,

Although it has been many years now since I had you, you have been on my mind a lot lately.  I am coming up to a year smoke free, And I think about you almost every day. I think about hiding behind some trees at a nearby park and lighting you with a Bic lighter that I had stolen from my mom, along with you. Had I only had the courage to tell my ‘friends’ that it probably was not a good idea if I did it. If only I knew what lighting you would do to me for over a decade. I wish I would have dropped you on the ground, and shredded you to pieces. Better yet, I almost wish I had smoked you, or tried to anyway but I wish that instead of laughing when I coughed (choking), that I would have been honest, and admitted how disgusting you were. How horrible you tasted, how the taste dried out my mouth, and made me feel like puking. That the scent you left on my fingers, was terrible. I wish I would have used that as a lesson learned, and never to smoke again. But, that is not how our story panned out, now it is? Continue reading

Counting Smokes and Being Accountable

I have been doing a lot of counting lately.

I am 35 years old and have been smoking since I was 12 years old (that’s 12-15 cigarettes a day for 23 years, less than that for the first 5 years I smoked). I come from a French family of mostly women, most of whom smoke. I have been smoking my entire existence really, and though my own mother never smoked a cigarette a day in her life, my father smokes 1-2 packs a day in the home I grew up in before I ever left my mother’s womb.

I have never quit before. I have never tried to quit before. Until now. Continue reading